Why You Never Leave Early!!!

YES...that is my friend Matt's boy, Victor Martinez. Probably the only good player on the Cleveland Indians despite his recent 0-18 slide. But, I'll get back to him in a minute.

As you all may know I am a die hard Cleveland sports fan (my father brainwashed me) and an even bigger Cleveland Indians fan. I know I should be complaining about the Cavaliers but I don't want to cry.

This season for the Indians has just been plain awful but we may have just witnessed the only glimmer of enjoyment that can come from this 162 game marathon. Luckily, I was there to witness it and I'm glad that I followed my rule of never EVER leaving a game early because of how down and out of it my team seems to be.

Let me give you a little history. I have been to games where they were losing 14-0 in the second inning and thought that there was a glimmer of hope that they would win when they hit back-to-back solo homers in the bottom of the 9th. (Gapa knows the look) I've been to games where they blew leads and went down 8 in the 8th and thought that there could be a miracle. As a fan it is our duty to stick it out and watch the BAD games because you always know that the baseball gods are looking out for you and will give you a gem to remember.

One of my favorites was back in the 90's, AKA the Glory Days, when we were down 1 going into the bottom of the 9th. I looked up at the scoreboard and saw Ramirez and Thome due up and knew that something special was about to take place because of course it was Thome bobblehead day. Ramirez comes up and just jacks the hell out of ball to tie the game. The crowd was going nuts and everyone knew what Thome was going to do. He came up and sent all of us home with probably the most memorable walk-off that I will ever witness.

Two years ago I thought I was witnessing a team of destiny like the Indians of the 90's. We were down 4 in the bottom of the ninth to those pain in the ass Tigers. We couldn't hit the ball if our lives depended on it and I wanted to leave so badly becasue I was pissed. I was sitting there with Gapa and V-Chuck and one of them called the victory just being stupid. With our luck, Todd Jones was pitching and he sucks haha. We came back to tie it up and had a guy on second. Then comes up David Dellucci, who I still can not believe that he is still on this team. He rips a single up the middle to score the winning run and caps off the biggest hit of his life.

This past Memorial Day was one of those games where you're sitting in the stands as a die-hard and you're asking your self why you are sitting there watching an awful baseball team down 10-0 in the 3rd. You're also saying to yourself that you're happy you only spent $8 for that garbage. Well, I was sitting there pissed off and ready to leave, but I couldn't. They started to creep back into it with 2 runs and then 2 more in the 8th to cut it to 10-4. The 9th inning comes along and I am just hoping for a quicky because I'm tired and ready to go.

There were probably only about 5,000 people left in the stadium and they had to all have the same feelings as me. A guy sitting next to me was joking that they were coming going to come back and win this thing. I didn't believe it and became memorized by a guy's shirt in front of me that said "It Will Always Be Called The Jake" (I have a picture of it on my phone if you want it.)

All of a sudden Tampa Bay forgot that there was something called a strike zone and they were giving up walks and hits as easily as AROD gives it up to Jeter. Then Matt's boy Victor comes up with 2 outs, a tie game, an 0-18 skid and puts a line drive single up the middle to score the winning run capping off a 7 run 9th to win 11-10.

The Jake just simply exploded like we had won the World Series and the players celebrated on the field like they had just won it too! Wedge actually showed emotion by standing on the field clapping. Tampa players walked off the field with their heads down. People were hugging complete strangers. Hands were slapping everywhere and someone may have slapped my ass. People were even honking their horns outside! It was AWESOME!!!!

So, this season may be a total waste, but at least they made a moment that will live on in my memories forever. It will always reassure me that there is a reason why I never leave a game early, no matter the circumstances. I know that the baseball gods have paid there debts and now I will have to sit through 10 more blow-outs to have one of those games, but it will surely be worth it. Just never leave early because you never want to be the guy the next morning that says "Well I was there but I didn't see the comeback becasue I left early"

Tribe Time Sucks

They Suck! 14-25 is absolutely inexcusable and something needs to be done about it.

Eric Wedge needs to be eliminated immediately. He doesn't know when to make pitching moves, he doesn't know when to play small ball, he doesn't motivate his players, he believes in the stupidest platoon system ever, he lets Dellucci play, he doesn't know how to give a worth while interview, and most importantly he doesn't grow out the dictator 'stache.

This team is underachieving almost as bad as the 2008 Cleveland Indians did after the collapse in the 2007 ALCS against Boston. (We all know what happened there and don't need to relive it). This team made the appropriate moves of solidifying the back-end of the bullpen with Kerry Wood. They got an unproven 5th starter in Carl Pavano who I believe could be solid. The signing of DeRosa was a solid improvement over Blake. Maybe that's why Wedge is off his game because Blake isn't there to hold him at all times.

The offense should be a good RIDICULOUS and in reality they are a BAD ridiculous. Grady Sizemore strikes out more than I do with woman on a regular basis. Travis Hafner just plain sucks and couldn't hit a baseball unless there is a needle sticking out of his ass. Peralta might need to get a refund on his lasic eye surgery because it is not helping him hit the ball. Booger might hit the ball worse than a kindergarten kid hitting off a tee with his dad helping him swing the bat.

I may have just bashed this team, but unlike my good friend Steve Gapa I am NOT giving up on this team until they are mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. He gave up on them on May 11th, that is just plain insane. Remember we play in the AL Central and with a 14-25 record we are only 7.5 out. That's a good and bad Ridiculous.

Manny Being Manny

I think that this picture says it all!!!! Well we have our latest steroid abuser in the MLB and it does nothing but give the sport a black eye.

I am going to simply say that he is a complete idiot and deserves everything that happens to him. In this era of baseball every single thing you put into your body or do is known by Major League Baseball.

It is Selig's job as the commissioner to clean up this sport and do whatever is necessary to level the playing field.

I can admit that Manny is not the smartest player to ever play this game, but that is no excuse for him not to know exactly what he was doing. It is his fault for not going to a doctor that knows the list of banned substances like the back of his hand. It is his fault for not going and checking the list of banned substances. It is his fault for not clearing every substance that he uses with the player's union. And most importantly if it really was for a medical reason he should have submitted it to the league and got a pass for it.

He's an idiot. Wow I keep finding myself saying that. Well this is the guy that took a piss in the Green Monster. He also high fived a fan while catching a fly ball. He did carry a water bottle in his back pocket while playing left. He used to leave game checks in his shoes in the locker room for weeks on end. The best was when he asked a locker room manager in Cleveland to go get his car washed and there was cash in the glove compartment to pay for it. The attendent said that he opened the compartment and there was $25,000 in cash just laying there. HAHAHA Ridiculous.

Well, I don't know what Manny has planned next but it might be something in drag if he is using female hormones to rejuvenate his body.

Would you be shocked? I wouldn't becuase (You know what I'm going to say) He's an Idiot!

A-Rod with more Steroid Allegations

A-Rod has been the talk of steroids use for about forever now. There have been many allegations before these new allegations were formed. I mean, I don't know how much more proof the MLB needs to see to show that A-Rod has taken steroids to improve himself in all aspects of the game. He has tested positive in 2003 already and now these new allegations from the book coming out called A-Rod by Selena Roberts. This books talks about him using steroids all the way back in high school. He is so screwed why doesn't he just come out and admit to how much a cheater he really is so we can all move on with our lives and enjoy the game how it is supposed to be played FAIR! I am not taking away how much skill and talent you have to have to be a elite player in the major leagues, but I am sure it is a little easier when you're all jacked up on roids. Between A-Rod and Barry Bonds the integrity of baseball is being jeopardized and ruined which is a shame because baseball is America's pastime forever.

The 5 Phrases You Don't Want To Hear If You're A Major League Baseball Fan

The title says it all, folks.

If you're a fan of any Major League Baseball team anywhere in America (or even Toronto), chances are you've heard these unsettling sentences uttered before. They come from your manager, your pitching coach, the bat boy, your general manager, and sometimes even your owner (if he crawls out of his hole for the afternoon and grants an interview).

Well, maybe not if your fandom lies with New York, Boston, Los Angeles or Chicago. but I digress.

Everybody else, though, I guess I'm talking to you. The mid to small-market teams in MLB have all used these five phrases to describe how their team operates from season to season. Sometimes the order in which they're said changes. Sometimes certain things apply one year and not the next. But, bottom line, if you're a fan of any MLB team not from one of the four Super Power cities, you've heard these prhases and instantly thought about punching something or someone, but probably didn't in the end. But you wanted to!

Behold:

1.)"We're going to platoon (insert player) and (insert player) at (insert position here)"--Ah, the classic player platoon. It's a time-honored tradition in MLB to use these, and most every team has used it at one time or another. Some teams do it more than others, but it doesn't matter. In all honesty, the platoon is complete B.S. It is the highest level of coach-speak, and is the perfect way to say "Hey! We have these two marginal players who make next to nothing and both play right field. We can't release them right away, so let's give them both uniforms and playing time depending on the pitching match-up. They'll both suck equally, and it'll look like we're exhausting our options on how to get better." That, people, is your basic platoon. I challenge you to name me one World Series champion who platooned players at any single key position on the diamond. Good luck to you.

2.)"We're going to go with the closer by committee"--Oh dear. This one's never good to hear, because it's a basic admission that your front office has failed miserably in its evaluation of pitching talent somewhere along the line. When your manager uses a dart board with the pictures of six different guys on it to determine who's going in in the ninth to hold a one-run lead, it means your team will not be playing meaningful baseball past July 1st. If your team has gone through this painful process, chances are you didn't even watch the ninth inning of games that season. You already knew how it would turn out.

3.) "We're giving (insert player name here) a two-year contract with a club option for a third"--You see, on the surface this one doesn't sound so bad. Every offseason, a ton of free agents get this very contract, on the aforementioned terms, and sign on the dotted line without so much as a second read-through. But the dirty little secret of this sweetheart deal is that your front office is offering this contract with one hand while crossing the fingers with the other. If your general manager hands a player a contract with only a couple years on it and a club option, and one of the major points said general manager hammers home to the media is that there's a club option in the first place, then he's saying he's not confident in his signing. Your front office is saying "We like what we've seen from this guy in recent years, but he's a.)getting old, b.)has diminishing skills, c.)has lost focus recently, d.) might be a problem child, but we're not sure, e.) is Manny Ramirez." Any of these traits are bad signs, but every year so many teams reveal how unsure of their own research and data they are when they throw around all these club options. Sure, it's a way to save money if a guy tanks. But, most importantly for the suits who are trying to keep their jobs any way they can, it's a way to save face.

4.) "We're in a rebuilding mode."--What can I say that the phrase doesn't say itself? Not much. But the interesting thing about this one is that it has applied to just about every team in MLB at some point, even the big boys. People forget the Yankees were terrible from the early 1980s up until 1994. The Red Sox were merely good, not great, before 2004. The Dodgers went a pretty long stretch in the last decade before making the playoffs again. The pope has said more swear words in the last two weeks than the two Chicago teams have won championships. Every team goes through this process in order to eventually get better, except for those teams (Kansas City and Colorado, please stand up)that seem to rebuild every other year because their personnel decisions are so God-awful they have no choice. There's nothing fun about rebuilding. It's the organization's way of saying "We're exercising our right to openly suck for X amount of years until we get some trades and draft picks correct. Come to the stadium if you feel like it. Our bad." Assuredly, tickets will be available to every home game at that point, and you can get them two minutes before the first pitch, all to see a collection of guys who probably have helped bag your groceries at one point...and Todd Helton...

5.) "He's a great clubhouse presence"--Nothing irks me more than this one. This baby is the gem of MLB manager-speak, the Hope Diamond, if you will. This phrase is the manager's last resort when confronted by any decent reporter worth his salt on the topic of why a has-been or non-contributor still gets a locker, a uniform and a seat on the team plane. This phrase is used for the clingers-on, the guys who are too old to be considered "on the rise" or "in his prime". Nope. These are the guys who are just around to play Nintendo with the younger kids before and after games, eat up some of the postgame buffet and occasionally tell the young hotshot on the team how to properly lather pine tar on his bat. And notice how your team's "great clubhouse presence" is usually a guy who, even in his prime, wasn't that great to begin with, a guy who, in his best season, hit around .250 with 50 RBI. The phrase is always attributed to the chronically mediocre. You know who these players are. Every team in baseball has at least one. If your team has two, see a doctor immediately.

So there you have it. When it comes to Major League Baseball and being a fan of any team that isn't one of the free-spenders, there are five phrases you've likely heard someone in the organization say at some point in your life that are poison to the ears. Now if only we could avoid them.

HEY KERRY...Don't Turn into Wickman

The start of the new baseball season is a time of hope and a chance to forget all of the demons of the past. The demons of the Cleveland Indians have been those you have been pitching in 9th over the last few years.

Let's think of the last 5 shitty closers that have had the pleasure of wearing the Indians uniform and blowing our chances of having successful seasons
1) Joe Borowski - one good year but how many nail bitters (matt owes me 30 keystones for him sucking last year)
2) Bob Wickman - Fat Bastard that gave up at least one run in the 9th and allowed 2 to reach base.
3) Raffy Betancourt/Raffy Perez/Jensen Lewis/ & the rest of the 2008 Platoon that Wedge put out there - at least we finished the season .500 HAHA
4. John Rocker - Maybe he should have rode the RTA RAPID and could have been inspired to throw harder (V-Chucks Boy)
5. Ken Hill - Maybe if he lifted the hat a little higher and got it out of his line of sight he could have been a little more successful.

I was about to talk about our boy Mesa but I'm pretty sure that we will never get within one out of the winning the World Series again, so no worries there Wood.

So a word of wisdom to my new boy Kerry Wood. DONT EVER come into a game after the reigning CY Young Winner (who is making is way back to the top) gives you 8 scoreless innings and a lead in the 9th. All you have to do is go up there and throw 98 mph fastballs and let your amazing defense take care of the rest. If the defense can turn 6 double plays in one game for Laffey, I'm pretty sure that they can give you a solid 1 inning of defense.

This is your one and only pass for the season. And please don't blow your arm out!