Does A-Rod Now Stand For Annoying-Rod?

There is always a guy that comes around each decade that looks to be the face of that generation. We have Griffey Jr. in the 90's, Reggie Jackson in the 80's, Mantel in the 60's and Ted Williams in the 50's to just name a few.

These guys come through with amazing plays in the field, huge hits in the clutch and are always there to feed the media a great story. These guys are looked at as Gods on the baseball field and are held to a higher level of accountabilty. We expect them to be playing the game with honesty and putting those long hours of work in every night. Taking ground balls under the lights, running stairs, and spending countless hours taking batting practice. (Just like Tom Selleck in the classic "Mr. Baseball)

Well, in the mid 90's a guy came around that we thought was going to be the face of his generation. He was a young shortstop that had a hell of a stick and seemed to have his way with the Seattle media. He seemed to be competing with Griffey Jr. at the time and became the Big Fish once Griffey moved on to Cincy.

A-Rod they called him and he could do no wrong while wearing the Mariners uniform, until the big pay day came and he just couldn't help himself. $252 million for 10 years to sell his soul to the devil and hit in a ballpark that I think I could possibly jack one in. Yea he won a MVP award but I pretty sure that the Rangers never made it out of the cellar or the AL West.

Since A-Rod was unable to produce anything in Texas, he makes the brilliant decision of "asking" for a trade and goes to the place where they treat star players so well. Well..... they only treat star players so well if they actually do something that results in a championship. Playing ball for good old George Steinbrenner and the hated NY Yankees.

A-Rod is a brilliant guy and thought that he could just right in there and be the second coming of Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, and Derek Jeter all wrapped in one. (I just vomitted in my mouth). He was the playboy that got all the ladies --especially the nasty strippers and Madonna-- would carry the Yankees to a World Series Title and be God for the rest of eternity.

So what has A-Rod accomplished in his storied career while wearing the pinstripes? Where should we start????

1) He is batting a fantastic .083 in the playoffs and I think he only had one hit in the ALDS against the Tribe while they were already up about 10 runs. I didn't realize that you could have such few hits in the playoffs and get your number retired with all the other Yankee greats. Shocking I know

2) A-Rod is actually in love with himself more than anyone else in this world. Who honestly stands against a mirror and starts to make out with their reflection? The picture speaks for itself

3) A-Rod Also likes to get felt up from men. I think that he may have grown those boobs..ooohh sorry I mean pecks when he was injecting himself with steroids. (Steroids is another topic that I just do not have the time to deal with right now)

So may I close by saying that A-Rod is hitting .333 in becoming the player of his generation. He CAN'T hit the ball in the clutch. He CAN'T make a big play in the field. But he CAN give the media a great story

Thank you A-Roid!

HEY KERRY...Don't Turn into Wickman

The start of the new baseball season is a time of hope and a chance to forget all of the demons of the past. The demons of the Cleveland Indians have been those you have been pitching in 9th over the last few years.

Let's think of the last 5 shitty closers that have had the pleasure of wearing the Indians uniform and blowing our chances of having successful seasons
1) Joe Borowski - one good year but how many nail bitters (matt owes me 30 keystones for him sucking last year)
2) Bob Wickman - Fat Bastard that gave up at least one run in the 9th and allowed 2 to reach base.
3) Raffy Betancourt/Raffy Perez/Jensen Lewis/ & the rest of the 2008 Platoon that Wedge put out there - at least we finished the season .500 HAHA
4. John Rocker - Maybe he should have rode the RTA RAPID and could have been inspired to throw harder (V-Chucks Boy)
5. Ken Hill - Maybe if he lifted the hat a little higher and got it out of his line of sight he could have been a little more successful.

I was about to talk about our boy Mesa but I'm pretty sure that we will never get within one out of the winning the World Series again, so no worries there Wood.

So a word of wisdom to my new boy Kerry Wood. DONT EVER come into a game after the reigning CY Young Winner (who is making is way back to the top) gives you 8 scoreless innings and a lead in the 9th. All you have to do is go up there and throw 98 mph fastballs and let your amazing defense take care of the rest. If the defense can turn 6 double plays in one game for Laffey, I'm pretty sure that they can give you a solid 1 inning of defense.

This is your one and only pass for the season. And please don't blow your arm out!